my grandfather, gone years now, visited me in a dream
to sneak my tinder date out of his beach house in an early morning scheme
my date, faceless, but adoring, a good one, had stayed past sunrise
as we slide open the door, my grandfather has a glimmer in his eye
that i have not seen since before he took to bed
we tiptoe down the scratchy carpeted stairs
and i don’t have to worry he might leave his mark in blood and hairs
a tall man, who did things out of obligation, it seemed
he is grinning and i can see all his big teeth, a blessing of a dream.
to see his face again, for years he’s just been dead
my grandmother has always risen early for bagels and the paper
as the hallway turns to living room, we check if we’re safe from her
and every time i turn back he is smiling grandly at me
a commanding force of love, even spectrally
there’s a pull in this lifetime and sometimes it’s best to be led
my date brushes his pinky against mine as a gesture of leaving
under the shade of an evergreen torn down by a storm’s shrieking
i mourn the loss of a boy from a dream, who I feel sure i will never ever see
the rawness of nobody broke my heart; when grandpop died, my grief lacked severity
it’s nauseating the twisting of the invisible thread
at the end of the dream, i am face down in the sand.
there are people around me, but they won’t help. i can’t stand.
perhaps are unable…
i hear waves crashing, to myself i say, i am learning, i am growing, i am stable
So moving. This poem really speaks to me. Thanks Naomi. You’re wonderful!
Beautiful!