In the Beginning,
there was a fig tree.
In the Beginning, I had a dream
I was under a the shade of a fig tree,
hungry, which I never am,
waking.
Hungry,
And to eat, I just had to
reach out my arm,
pop a fig from a branch.
In the Beginning,
he does not see me, nor I him.
I did not see you either.
For the light was fading
and no saw me under the fig tree.
In the Beginning, in the dark,
I gorged myself on ripe figs
feeling them for the juices inside.
Sweet, earthy, a soft fuzz on the outside
(so much more delicate than the fuzz of a peach)
millions of crunchy seeds inside—
A true treat.
In the Beginning, I was scared of the Dark.
A Voice cried out: WHO ARE YOU?
I wailed back: I DON’T KNOW.
I thought I knew.
But I don’t want to be a mother.
Not now, not tomorrow, not ever.
Dear Jesus, I still want to have sex,
Is that so bad?
In the Beginning, Jesus,
the constitution was written by
racist, sexist, misogynistic, men
and today these men talk about voting
as if they aren’t suppressing votes,
redrawing districts,
disenfranchising,
trying to steal elections.
Lindsey Graham told me to vote as if my vote counts for anything.
Statistically, it doesn’t.
In the Beginning,
I thought it wasn’t so bad to be a woman,
but today I curse my form,
and the maker who gave it to me.
In the Beginning, he loved me and I loved him,
back in a bathroom when he said, what if I murdered you?
And my heart leapt with joy.
When he looked at the bottles of pills
(I forgot to hide)
and said, what are these for?
He said, fuck, this was just supposed to be a hookup, but you’re cool.
Fuck.
We loved each other so much we forgot to use a condom.
He said (inside me),
Have you been tested recently?
I said: Yes.
Honestly.
I said I have an IUD.
Now, I am full of figs,
Pregnant with seeds that will never grow
roots or leaves, bare fruit—like me.
Where is the light in the darkness?
Where is the Lamb of God?
Now, the problem is there are others who see this decision as a gift from you,
a blessing of your chesed,
and I think life starts at conception;
I do, actually.
It’s just that the pregnant person matters more.
How many will die, O LORD?
How many children?
Now, we are split black and blue like my figs.
Laws based on a world without grace.
Jesus, you promise a better world (if) your kingdom (will) come,
what are we to do when no one agrees on what justice looks like?
A house divided against itself cannot stand.
I wish I could stay forever under the large fig leaves,
eating fruit,
tasting dirt.
I’m sorry, but, if all who love you will be received and
all who want eternal life will have it,
Where’s the second coming?
Now, would be good for me.
In the beginning was the Word.
(A word like this one.)
And the word was with God.
(Life feels Jobian.)
And the word was God.
(Just as we are.)
Because to have a better future,
We must build a better future.
Now would be good for me,
on that one, too.